LOST SON?
A Child's Journey of Hope, Search, Discovery and Healing

DEAR MOTHER~
FIRST LETTER TO BIRTH MOTHER



This is the letter I wrote to my birth mother shortly after I began my search for her in 1982. I found her in 1986. I did not need to send the letter.


Dear Mother,

It was a decision of a lifetime, that with what was known and felt at the time, was a proper decision. I will not judge you. I will never tell you what you did was wrong. It will never be my place to say. I was not mature or old enough to know the reasons why.

Never say you are sorry, never tell me that what you did so many years ago was wrong. I know in my heart that if you are like I know myself, it was what you thought was the right thing to do.

I will not confront you. I will make this as easy and safe for us both as possible. I just need to know that you are alive, what life has been for you since we parted. I may not have enough time to find you before you depart this life for a better one, but know that my prayers are with you.

I will defend you and your decisions in life as any son would. I will hold your memory true, even if all I know is your name. I will never defile your name, your circumstances or your decisions in life.

I know that I too have made many mistakes, but I have no regrets. Each mistake has made me a better person, turned me a different direction, and made me care more for life than I ever would have before.

If you feel guilt, I will tell you that I feel that you should not harbor any. I have led a good and fulfilling life that I am proud of. Your decision has made my life today what it is. True, it would have been different, but I cannot say it would have been either better or worse. I am a product now of what I have lived and experienced.

To you, Mother, I pledge my gratitude for giving me all that I have. I have lost nothing now. Now that I know who you are by name. The only thing I would ask in addition, is to know you. I have many of your attributes. I hold every thought of you to be precious as gold.

I do not know what you look like, I do not know what you sound like. But to me, you are my guardian angel and have helped me through life without conscious awareness of you. I know you talk to me. You always have. You pray for my safety, happiness and well-being.

For the last 32 years, we have been connected. Sometimes I listened to you, sometimes I didn't. You are my "gut", my instinct, my heart and my thoughts.

Tonight I raise my glass in praise of your bravery, your life, and all the decisions you made.

Cheers to you Mother. You did good.


Your Son Larry




CLICK BELOW TO PROCEED

CHAPTERS:


EARLY YEARS


MOM & DAD MONSHOR


FOSTER HOME #11


BOYSTOWN GRADE SCHOOL


BOYS TOWN HIGH SCHOOL


JIM ACKLIN: DEBATE PARTNER


COLLEGE & ACCEPTANCE


MATT: LIFE PARTNER


NEW YORK, NEW YORK


SEARCH & DISCOVERY


FIRST LETTER TO BIRTH MOTHER


BIRTH MOTHER'S STORY


FINAL LETTER TO BIRTH MOTHER


BIRTH FATHER'S STORY


FIRST CHRISTMAS


A HOLIDAY SEASON TO REMEMBER


REMEMBERING 1ST COUSIN DOROTHY


REUNION WITH THE MONSHOR FAMILY AFTER 45 YEARS


WHY DID I SEARCH


RETURN HOME TO BOYS TOWN


BOYS TOWN TALES OF YESTERYEAR


MEMORIES OF A LIFETIME


FRIENDS LOST TO AIDS


A FEW LESSONS OF LIFE


EPILOGUE


A SEARCHER'S GUIDE



Used copies of "LOST SON?" only may be ordered through Amazon.com, B&N.com and other major online book retailers since as of August 1, 2007, book is no longer being published.
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