May 3, 1949
I am here today though my mommy doesnít know it; she
will feel me real soon.
Late May 1949
I am a boy! I can see now and I even have a tail in
which to swim, I love my mommy even if she doesnít
know that I am her little boy, I am here!
My mommy knows I am here, I can feel the love swelling
up in her. I give her a hug with my tiny hands but I
donít think she can feel them yet, I wonder if she
knows my name is Larry, I will have to tell her that
when I see her that is my name you know.
Early July 1949
My mommy will be proud of how fast I am growing, I
have allot of space to swim around. I am very warm and
secure. She rubs her belly I can feel her warmth. I am
going to pick flowers for my mommy when I am out.
Late July 1949
She brought us to a doctor today. She canít hear my
heart yet but I hear her tell the doctor that I feel
like a little butterfly. I have a little bit of hair;
I wonder what color of hair my mommy has?
My mommy is sad. I can feel her crying. I give her a
big hug cuz my arms are real big now. She cries a lot
when I kick her but I am just telling her I love her.
My mommy brought us to a doctor again. She heard my
heart, she said it sounded like horses racing. I donít
know what a horse is but I know that I like the sound
of her heart. It makes me feel safe and warm cuz I
know that she is there.
Early November 1949
My mommy is crying again. She sings you are my
sunshine to me.I like that she makes me sleepy. I try
not to put my feet in her ribs but I am so big I canít
move around. I wonder why my mommy is always crying,
it makes me feel sad.
I am so big now I can hiccup. My mommy thinks this is
funny and she pats my bottom with her hand. I donít
know why but that takes my hiccups away. She eats my
favorite food for me. I like peanut butter, I hope she
makes peanut butter sandwiches for me when I come out.
We can sit and eat peanut butter sandwiches and drink
milk. I will sit on her knee after so she can sing me
a song. I love my mommies voice.
December 1, 1949
My mommy is sad again. She told me that she my grandma
and grandpa donít understand. Why I wonder? They will
love me like you do because I am so cute.
January 1, 1950
Mommy started to cry again. When I get out I will tell
my mommy that I am a good boy and she doesnít need to
cry anymore because I love her, and then I will give
her a great big hug with my big arms, and she will be
February 1, 1950
We went to see the doctor again, I heard her ask the
doctor to see me. I donít know how she could see me
cuz I am in here. She saw me though and she giggled
and started crying again, boy my mommy cries lots.
February 6, 1950 morning
We went to the doctor yet again and my mommy was
talking very loudly. I wonder why she is upset, maybe
she wants to see me real bad. She is crying real hard
and it is hurting me. I think I should try to come out
now cuz maybe I am hurting my mommy and she needs to
February 6, 1950 evening
My mommy is screaming and my mommyís belly is trying
to push me out. I think it is too squishy in here
anyway because I am such a big boy.
February 7, 1950 early morning
I am coming out of my mommy now. Wow, its bright out
here. I am not going to cry because I donít want my
mommy to be sad anymore cuz her big boy is here.
February 7, 1950 mid-morning
This isnít my mommy holding me, she doesnít smell
right, I am going to cry now. Mommy, mommy where are
you? Come and get me Mommy!
February 7, 1950 late afternoon
Mommy has left me. I canít hear my mommy anywhere. I
am cold. I am scared. Why did you leave me mommy?
(Note) My birth mother did not see me before she left the hospital; at 19, unwed and unable to provide she had been convinced it would be better to place me for adoption. She found out when I was 36 and found her I was never adopted but had lived my entire childhood in the foster care system.